WHAT’S IT ALL ABOUT?
Losses and Gains
First there was the physical gaining of 7kg during chemo and then losing it all until I hit 55kg due in part to diarrhoea for many, many days. Refer to the picture below. Never thought I’d lose 7kg in 7 days. That’s not a good thing. It’s really no fun watching your body balloon up and then only to deflate!
But loss of identity. My Identity and the person that I was before.
No more wine drinking sessions for now. No more going out to drink coffee or to my fave shop at Fulushou to buy dried goods. For now. No more going to the gym for now. For your information, working out 4 to 5 times a week was the norm for me prior to this life threatening disease hitting me.
Also, there was loss of freedom. When in hospital, I was watched like a hawk. Good intentions there I know but! Every input and output was measured and recorded. My every move was scrutinized. I could not do many of the things that I used to love.
When I was first diagnosed I had to block lots of people including some relatives. So sorry if you were one of them! I had to protect my mindset and emotions, not letting anyone or anything drain my energy from my goal – which is to focus on getting well. Sometimes people say things that upset you when you are trying to figure things out yourself or if that was an area that they touched on that you are not yet ready to face. Or you were simply not in a good mood that day. Yeah. Cancer does that to you.
If life throws you lemons, what do you do? You make lemonade!
I was determined to manage my state of emotions and mindset. Every morning in the hospital I would wake up at 6 plus because that is when they draw your blood, take your blood pressure, flush your line. All sorts of exciting stuff at 6 plus in the morning. So being difficult to get back to sleep after that, I would use that time before breakfast was served to wash up and meditate in bed. Nothing fancy, just deep breathing and visualisation. I also started watching youtube videos on Dr Joe Dispenza about managing your thoughts to create your reality as suggested by my executive coach friend Cassandra; and Ted talks on how your Mind and Body are connected. I especially like those on mindset, brain and motivation.
In particular, I especially like
Dr Lara Boyd - How Neuroplasticity gives you the Power to Shape the Brain you want
Giulia Muntoni - How Cancer Saved My Life – Why Crisis is an Opportunity
Kate Bowler – Everything Happens for a Reason: And Other Lies I’ve Loved
In every crisis, there lies opportunity. But only if you are open.
In the pain of the moment, in the ashes of despair come beautiful beginnings.
Yes it was and still is painful to lose who I was before getting sick, and yes there is the possibility that I might actually die, but I choose to see the beauty of it all. I don’t wish to go back to who I was, but to embrace the woman that I am becoming.
Watercolor – Let My Emotions Flow Out!
One of my very good friends sent me a watercolour set while I was in hospital.
Note - It has been more than 5 years since I last touched a paint brush.
At first, I was sceptical about painting.
Also not waiting to rely on the busy nurses to go wash my brushes since I was not so mobile in the beginning.
But when my drip was taken off and I was more stable, I decided to try it one afternoon. It’s very true that your emotions get expressed on the paper.
My earlier paintings were more awkward, tense and angry looking. As you can see below. I tried cancelling out the figure that I drew because it just came out wrong. Why? I was frustrated at the conversation that I had with someone just before, as I had forgotten to ground myself during the conversation and I let what the other person say affect me emotionally and mentally. People can have good intentions but insensitive all at the same time.
Then as I decided to manage my state, I got a “shift” and you can see that clearly on the paper as well. My paintings became much more fluid, natural and I progressed much swiftly than 5 years ago. My art teacher says it is because I had no distractions. I think it is also because I was calm and more intentional on the inside. There was a peace and calm. I began to look forward to each day, each meditation and breathing session and each treatment session with more calmness.
Gain Relationships and Friendships
I am blessed!
I have friends who constantly check in on me, video call me, make me laugh, remind me of my purpose and much more.
I also have friends who want to feed me and make sure I am nourished. So body, mind and emotion for me are pretty well covered.
Some friends whom I have not connected with in very long suddenly come back to support me and some strangers who go above and beyond. This includes my doctors, nurses, cleaner aunties and many more with whom I have crossed paths with.
Wellness coaching for me, from day one, has always been about the mindset.
I cannot stress how this has really come to the forefront for me.
Blood, drip and chemo!
As I face my most difficult challenge, I learn to accept, love myself and manage my mindset and emotions in new ways.The outcome? Better management of my own emotions results in new good things starting to happen to me. It is only the beginning. Stay tuned!
So while my Wellness Reset Programmes are on hold, allow me to share with you, inspirational stories about managing mindset, never giving up and resilience! Everyone of us has our challenges. Mine may be cancer and yours could be something else. My intention is to inspire you to manage your mindset and visualise beautiful beginnings for yourself.
Thanks for reading. Please share and forward this to your friends. My aim is to impact as many people as possible with my story.