But thanks be to God, who gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ - 1 Corinthians 15:57
*Read to the end ok? Hope you like the video!
It's been about 1 month since my bone marrow transplant. I have been staying really quiet intentionally.
Since it's the one month aniversary, today I thought I'd do a little reflection on how God has been good to me. Very Good.
This has been the worst and the best time of my life all at the same time!
Firstly a little background on me. I am a cradle Catholic and I grew up in a devout Catholic household. However because of certain things that happened to me through my divorce and things that happened to my kids, it made me decide to seek out my own way with God. So that led to a lot of exploring. I attended Christian church, even when I was in Penang for business and eventually settled to attend Cornerstone Church in Singapore.
However when covid hit and things went online I sort of backslided, I then decided that I did not want to be confined to any one Church and that to me, God was out there, in the people I meet and in nature, in the flowers and trees.
I proceeded to define my own relationship with the Universe/God. So in 2021 I was definately more into New Age stuff. In short, I thought that I had it all within my own control. I was truly very proud. Proud of how far I had come and accomplished, seemingly by my own means.
That is until I fell sick.
🌿 HOW I REACCEPTED CHRIST INTO MY LIFE
Firstly, never in my wildest dreams would I imagine that I'd be in hospital, let alone with Acute Myeloid Leukemia. I knew that was something than ran in my family but I always thought it would never be me that gets it.
So on 11th Oct 2021 I was admitted to hospital because my GP told me to go to A&E. My haemoglobin was 5 and I was running a fever. I don't even remember clearly when the doctor came to break the news to me. It's still a blur. All I remember is him mentioning something about blood cancer... I don't remember his face at all.
So my beginning was full of denial and dismay. My paintings started off rather gloomy...lots of torrential rain and pontianak looking figures with ghostly hair (because of my obsession with losing my hair)
Then fast forward to Christmas 2021, 2nd hospital stay. I started doing Christmas postcards and that led to the postcard effect. It's significant because up until this point, I thought I was the one in control. Me the controller...yup... It was through this process that I decided if relying on myself got me to where I was, how about if I decide to just surrender and let God instead of me doing all the heavy lifting? I was tired.
So it was the series of blessings and being blessed back that really touched my heart that ultimately made me decide to take the leap of faith.
You can read more about it here.
🌿 How God has been good to me?
Fact #1 - God has been good to me ALL THE TIME, even before this episode.
I felt that he was preparing me for this fight with AML even before I knew it.
People have said I'm so positive and strong. I was a Mindchamps Champion Mindset Trainer for a long time. I also have had Ontological Coach Training - how our body, language and emotions are all interconnected. I am a Master NLP practitioner and also have a host of other professional accolades. So when I had this break in transparency, I had tools to fall back on to help me cope.
Then there is the art, which 6 years ago I took a few art lessons because I was interested in using art as a process within my coaching with clients. Trust me when I say my art 6 years ago was not as fluid and soothing as what I do now. I take it that it's God's hand leading me and not my own ability.
As a Culinary Nutrition Coach right before I fell ill, my body and diet were in tip top condition. I was eating clean and working out. In fact, I probably was one of the best girls in my gym right before I was sick. Don't believe, ask the guys that I trained with. Training plus training with the guys also equipped me with a certain mindset. You show up authentic. I do the same things that the guys do, I am not given special treatment because I am a girl. Every rep that you do, you own it. It is very much mind mastery over the physical.
Fact #2 - God put people in place to support me through this difficult period.
Friends whom I lost touch with, family that got rekindled and new friends who came into my life seems to be the theme 💖
Sophia Tan x2, Lynn, Fiona, Sandra, Esther x 2, Edwin, Jolene, Cass, Amos, Wan Ting, Yida, Leon and his parents, Ben, Andrew, Sharalyn, Siyun, Jerlynn, Purl, Siro, Terry, May, Cinthie, Michelle, Sharon, My IJ girls and many more...much love and gratitude. If your name not here don't be upset ok? I still love you!
My Primary Doctor - not only treated me but also the first person to encourage me to paint, my new best friend for sometime because I see you so often! haha
My transplant co-ordinator - thanks for all the behind the scene work and keeping my doctor grounded hehehe
My wound nurse - Thank God for you, your gentle touch and your reassuring words!
My Secondary Doctor - our families know each other...small world or what right? Also for being so punctual when seeing me...8am on weekdays lol!
The nurses that looked after me, entertained me, bathed me, changed my dressing, locked me in for the night and much more, my fave cleaner kaka Priya and kitchen aunty Asnah. I am so blessed to have you guys. Thanks for tolerating my nonsense and antics.
Special mention to
Ate Marissa - nobody educates like you do
Ate Maribeth - Thank you for being my number one supporter!
Rein - Always so fast to see to my needs and ever responsive
The guys - Kuya Jobert and Julian. Never knew guys also can have the gentle touch! One of whom noticed my semi permanent eye liner lol!
The rest ...
💖 Gleneages- JD (throw hard steak at my Dr? wahahha), Sister Liwen (Always call me darling), Juliet (the one who locks me in), Cherie (Thank you for our conversations, still waiting for you to tell me about the family painting that you want done!), Mariana, Zenaiyda, Mary, Chealsa, Hazel, Sunaija (The intercomm has a return voice...service so good..haha)
💖 Novena - Sister Narin (thanks for coming to chat often), Yuk Ling (your care & sharing with me about your son), Jesica, Komathi, Lidya (for your reassurance) Syaf (for saying you like my paintings and music!), Mabella and Hie Ching (always laughing with me haha)..Also my friend Dr Roy - thanks for taking time to see me!
And many more! I am sorry if I forget your name! You are in my heart!
Most of all my donor who is my brother. We've had our differences through the years but he did not hesitate to be my donor. My wish for us is to have peace, understanding and acceptance going forward. For being my donor, I am very grateful. As my Doctor says, you are now forever a part of me!
So God used me being sick to unite my family. I think this makes my children step up. I woke up one night to the sound of number 2 and 3 arguing about how to kill a cockroach. Gone are the days where mummy has to be the one to kill it! Yay.
It isn't just because I want to go to heaven, but I think being sick suddenly makes you focus on what is truly important. It made me think about who I needed to forgive or reaccept moving forward.
🌿 Relationships ... forgiveness & acceptance
I had a long conversation with my ex mother in law after a long time.
It made me and my Aunty Honey closer too. At first this was difficult as family kind of triggered me and I remembered my other relatives who passed from AML and that made me upset in the beginning. But I think with my aunt, she never gave up supporting me and told me I can talk to her anytime I wanted to. So much so, now we are attending Alpha programme together. Wow.
My sister in law Fiona - some relationships are truly worth it. Thank you babe for coming back and being my bimbo talk companion. I love you to the moon and back!
Fact #3 - God's reassurance and love
🌈 So God blessed the 7th day & made it holy, because on it God rested from all his work that he had done in creation - Genesis 2:3 🌈
My room number at Mount Elizabeth Novena was 777 - Perfect rest in God's eyes
Before that I had a message that told me that "It is done" so when I saw my room number 777 it was a sign to me that God would keep his promise to me. Much like how he reassured Noah that he would never again curse the ground because of man. 🌊 This season is for me to truly rest and rest in God. Truly so because there are so many things that are really out of my control and I have to trust in God and those around me...
God must have known that I was feeling quite anxious right before the transplant. He sent Verna to send me a book of verses on healing. She said to me - the present is from God. I am just the messenger. So touched!
Then he also sent Esther to my room right before the transplant. I do not know her prior to this. But basically she comes in and asks if I am open to being prayed for before the transplant. Note that this is not the norm. I later find out that she was feeling anxious about it too! But God is so good yes? We have since connected after the transplant. Amazing.
🌿 The View
See video at the end...
God painted the sky everyday and when there were only buildings, he gave me the gift of painting so I could make my own view!!
🌿 Give and Recieve
I am extremely blessed I always have friends who video call me, want to feed me and give me things. Thank you from the bottom of my heart!
Gifting is about paying it forward. Just as I recieved, I got a lot of joy from giving out my art and paintings to those around me. More importantly, I saw how everyone who came into my mini art gallary became more joyful because of the paintings!
🌿 Like a new baby
So not just my physical body is being made new
My character, preferences and inclinations too....with attitude no less!
8th March 2022 is my new birthdate! I describe it as an unthawing of sorts. Through this experience, I am more in touch with my feelings, have more empathy and understanding and am generally just a better person than I was before.
There is method to the madness...
Please feel free to share this if you feel that it will touch and help someone!
(but give me credit)
Saranghe 🤞🏼 💗 🤞🏼