This is by far my personal favourite out of all the paintings I have done in Gleneagles this round of stay.
The whale represents my physical situation where I am confined in hospital. Gleneagles to be exact. The trees and flowers represent the scenery I see around the hospital. The ambulance? How I arrived here this time round.
If you are famililar with the bible, Jonah tried to run away from God when God asked Jonah to go to Ninneveh "to call out against it, for their evil"
God then got a whale to swallow up Jonah and Jonah was in the belly of the fish 3 days and nights.
How did he get out?
"I called out to the Lord,
out of my distress,
and he answered me"
In short, God spoke to the whale and it then spat Jonah out.
Stuck...in hospital. Again...
All the times I am in hospital (for AML) are the times where I am forced to focus on God and his voice. Yes forced.
When I was well I spent my time going to the gym working out my physical body. Biceps, back and abs. I loved spending time building my business and eating out with friends and spending time with my kids. I also love all things alcoholic in particular wine and sake. (Jiu Gui!) Althought if I say I love food most of my friends won't believe me because I always cook and bake healthy.
A stands for achiever. I was so prideful that I could do all things by myself. Including winning lots of awards, striving proudly for the next certification or trophy. It's true. I had a lot of trophies which allowed me to sit right in front in conventions in the VVIP way. Set me a challenge or dare and I'd most probably take you on. You know the girl who always looks chic, beautiful, sashay her way to the front seat? That was me. Very sui.
Now I mostly sashay to my Doctor's clinic and the hair and abs long gone. There were a few hao lian photos post transplant of me looking fairly good bald. But hey I don't regret them. They are part of my process and journey! Ok ... so if you look below, maybe not hao lian but gracious and grateful?
Having AML is my most humbling moment in life
No trophy could prepare me for my fight against #acutemyeloidleukemia
I need to dig deep within and look to God for the grace that will carry me through while not knowing the outcome. Am I disappointed I need another transplant? I would be lying if I said I wasn't. Am I worried? Wouldn't you be? When I first got the news I felt it was like a take 3 steps forward 2 steps back kind of thing.
But then my Jonah moment allows me to dwell on God's bigger plan for me. I still believe that there is something better in store for me!
I had 4 rounds of chemo including the one leading up to my bone marrow transplant. As of now I am going through targeted treatment. No not for breast enlargement ya but to target the mutuation that I have. (hey at least I still have a sense of humour lol!) The eventual plan is another transplant.
Pain, discomfort, inability to do what I want, confined in a room for a month or so at a time and more....I skip the details. Oh wait - rashes, diarrhea and more.
Ah and seeing lots of people go on holidays ... even my Doctor! At first I felt bad I wasn't able to bring my kids out of the country...but then...
So back to...
My Jonah Moment
God put me exactly where I am meant to be. It is here where I carved a new personal relationship with HIM.
The hospital is my whale. (Refer to the painting)
Every stay is different and I am constantly touched by his deep love for me. I am surrounded by people he put in place to help me, soothe me and entertain me haha. That is to put it really mildly. This really is a lot easier to bear knowing God is with me.
I am being refine/molded into the best possible version of myself. Physically, spiritually, mentally and emotionally.
My Spat Out Moment -
But I (Jonah) with the voice of thanksgiving will sacrifice to you;
what I have vowed I will pay.
Salvation belongs to the Lord!
To put it simply, I decided to let God lead me in this season of my life as opposed to me striving to make things happen like in the past. Sometimes not so easy as my ego gets in the way...plus the achiever in me lol!
So do you have your own JONAH and the WHALE moment? Think about it.