LOSS vs GAIN
I started watching Little Women on Netflix 2 days ago. What I got from epidode 4. Watch K Drama can also get some wisdom out of it haha!
You need to lose something in order to gain something BIG!
We all experience it
What did I lose?
Recently I had to go for a stomach and colonscopy one day after the next. Now for normal people these are run of the mill scopes, but for someone like me who has low white blood count there's always a risk. Risk of infection and so on. So when I was informed by my dr that I needed to go for colonscopy (as if doing the stomach wasn't enough ya?) I was upset. But exactly upset about what I could not say what it was about. Maybe it's the choice in the matter. Like I have to go with what the dr says. Of course I can say no but I guess I knew what she told me made sense. Hence grumpy me.
What else have I lost? Perhaps my old self? Certainly how I used to look has changed. I now sport short curly hair. The irony of trying to cover that up for years has been undone.
My sense of freedom? I see many friends on social media going for holidays and having a good time out there. As we all know what is projected on social media is sometimes not the entire truth. Me? I'm contented being with my family ... the most important people in my life and I am surrounded by GOOD people.
2 SIDES TO THE COIN
As mentioned above - I am surrounded with GOOD people. My GOOD doctors who incidentally all have their own unique sense of humour. It's quite funny sometimes. They have good imaginations too!
My circle of family and friends. You know who you are.
SO... this is what I have gained and more...
PAPER DOLL INSIGHTS
Having Acute Myeleoid Leukemia sharpens my perspective on life and my lens in which I view the world changed. Seeing good amidst the bad, pain and frustration.
Sometimes I feel like I am a paper doll (see below)
Even if your paperdoll is made of the sturdiest cardboard material, it is not going to last forever. It will eventually need to be propped up with scotch tape. Why paper doll? I'm fragile. Also sometimes I feel like parts of me are "faulty" one after another. Or that I continuously need fixing. One leaky part after another.
But if I look on the positive side of things, I have persevered through every one of them trials no matter what they are. This is the kind of attitude I need to carry with me as I prepare for my 2nd transplant. That never say die attitude.
Regarding this never say die attitude, it's like when Jesus spoke this way about following Him when He said,"If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross and follow me." Matthew 16:24
What this means is that the road following Jesus is not easy plain sailing one. There are hardships along the way. But what do we gain from following him? Love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control are just some of the fruits of following Jesus.
Back to ...
You need to lose something in order to gain something BIG.
What is something physical that everyone can see I have gained since losing my old self and battling leukemia? Being through such a trying time.
I have been in hospital since 18th May...transferred hospitals on 6th June (spent my birthday with nurses, my transplant coordinator and my doctor) Discharged on 8th Aug only to be readmitted 12th Aug and have been in hospital since then.
It's the artist in me
Finally grew and blossomed.
See for yourself...there's even a pic of the artist herself somewhere inside. Enjoy!
Btw, paintings are for sale. Just waiting to choose a charity to gift the money collected to. Remember these are paintings that I did in hospital while recieving cancer treatment.
If you'd like to see more, contact me @leanna.lean on fb or Ig...
#respect #fight #mindset #jesusismycenter #love
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